“COMMUNICATION” is the answer I get the most when asking the secret to a long-term relationship, many experts agree. But is that all?
Translated from Vietnamese Articles: https://xemtin247.net/bi-quyet-de-moi-quan-he-dai-lau-khong-no-khong-phai-tinh-yeu/
The results we get after communication are usually:
Sometimes I really can’t stand you.
There are times when I regret marrying you.
I think “out of the stream” with your best friend.
Sometimes you want to try “new feeling” with others.
Honestly, they are no different: I want, I need, I feel, …
Then what is the problem?
The problem is: these disclosures actually exhibit a poor degree of self-limitation and emotional control, or in other words: put all of your emotions, needs and happiness into the other person’s hands. .
“Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry” — Your emotions are owned by you, you control whether or not you are influenced by other people’s actions or emotions.
A relationship depends on more factors than just discussing each individual’s feelings, needs, and desires.
There are problems that cannot be solved by communication. It is simply a reality that both you and the other person have to accept and find a way to overcome.
Depending on your needs, your relationship has 2 options:
Option 1: A happiness has a term — it doesn’t matter how long it is short
You understand that impermanence, everything will change. Each person’s needs, wants, and values change, leading to a change in relationship. And whether the real or the superficial, you are fine with that.
That is all good. I fully respect.
But if you think that being together “forever” means “a constant emotion”, you need to consider the following things.
Option 2: A “forever” love
This is something we have always wanted, but we don’t know how to get it. If you think that “love” is a kind of “emotion” and not “choice”, it means that you are also putting your love in a situation that does NOT last forever.
An eternal love will need:
Step 1. Emotional maturity
Or is it synonymous with qualities that make a great mate. This includes: tolerance, respectability, trustworthiness and honesty (in other words: righteousness, moderation, and not selfish or petty). And this does not stop at just finding such a person, but you must also be that person.
The secret to a long-term relationship
Emotional maturity opens the way to acceptance and understanding between two partners.
Tolerance: Love means accepting — accepting yourself as well as others. Cherish yourself and do not entrust your values to others or try to win sympathy from them.
Honesty: Absolutely!
Respect: Is the answer of couples who have been married for more than 10 years when asked about the secret of keeping their marriage.
Emotional limits: Is a prerequisite to maintaining a relationship. Without understanding this, you will fail painfully. Take responsibility for your emotions, wants, and needs. Take control of your own happiness (as well as your unhappiness), don’t trust them with others.
Compromise: There is no one who is the “upper hand” in a relationship. Nor does anyone win or lose an argument. Healthy couples don’t quarrel, they discuss. They both “understood” before expecting “understood”. They share, but also listen.
Step 2. Accept the realities that will happen
A relationship will sometimes have lows, even though it doesn’t come from the intentions of either party.
Feelings for the other person will sometimes vanish… but then, they will return.
You need to be patient, understanding, and mature. True love isn’t always intense vibrations. Love will change, and grow. A lot of people think that the feelings they have now are forever, but it is not.
If you continue to insist that your emotions won’t change, you’re just denying the way humanity moves.
At the age of 18, I have a celebration of 50 years of marriage for a couple. At the end of the ceremony, they stood up and said:
PEOPLE ASKED US HOW WE CAN GO TOGETHER. THE SECRET IS ONLY, WE NEVER STOP IN LOVE AT THE SAME TIME.
That is all the secret. The reality is that, sometimes, one of them will feel no longer in love with the other. Sometimes it’s you, when it’s the other person. Sometimes it lasted for months, not just days.
Understand that we will be moved by others
Winton in the movie The Five-Year Engagement once said:
UNDER THE COURSE OF THE COURSE, WE ARE IN essence just the ultimate in us, but we are very early.
My sister has been faithful for decades: “Having been married for more than 20 years, experiencing all the ups and downs, she loves him so much and has never had any intention of cheating. Although she always received a lot of flirting, she refused “.
Then, she met that person: “I was overwhelmed with emotions I never had, I felt like I was young again. Her heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, her face blushed in embarrassment and she could not speak a word. I wanted him so badly but refused, I… said I was married and couldn’t do so. Then… he kissed her.
On the one hand, I find myself too stupid to ruin a happy and perfect marriage … On the other hand, I wonder, I only live once, why not take chances with my current partner.
